Bye Blue Jays

Blue Jays are out
The house is all quiet
I guess now’s the time
To go on a diet

No more peanuts
Or Cracker Jack
No more yelling
About a comeback

The Royals move on
To tackle the Mets
It’s now time for gamblers
To place their bets

But I’ll stay at home
And watch my Flames play
And hope that their season
Goes past mid-May

The Blue Jays were great
They are Canada’s team
And watching the postseason
Has been a fun dream

The Grass Mower

Every Monday morning
Old Mike gets up at dawn
He puts on a dotted raincoat
Walks out and mows the lawn

The neighbours think he’s crazy
And really he is nuts
He goes out in the lightning
Mike’s got a lot of guts

He mows the green lawn back and forth
He does this for an hour
He pulls the cord behind him
To give the mower power

Every week it is the same
At eight A.M. it starts
So why do all the neighbours
Feel it breaks their hearts?

You see what Mike is doing
With every mower pass
Is mow a lawn completely made
Of artificial grass

The Puker

Jacob was born on the eve of spring
The clouds were dripping and the birds did sing

It didn’t take long for Mum to see
He was the world’s greatest baby

But then came May and he started to puke
The first time Dad thought, “ah it’s a fluke”

But again and again he puked all over
The closet, the fridge, and their dog Rover

But it was the furnace vent that surprised Mum most
He bent over, tossed the grate, and lost his toast

The heat turned on and the house smelled of upchuck
Jake might be the greatest, but he sure was bad luck!

Just when they thought that the worst was over
He puked in the car and they had to pull over

This kid was a machine, he just couldn’t stop
They put a plug in him but out it did pop

Other parents would say, “Oh my kid is so hard”
But Jake’s parents always played the puke card

Someday Jake will marry and have a nice kid
And if he’s lucky, he will come with a lid

A Poem for the Queen

The Queen just turned a hundred
But really no she didn’t
She just surpassed Victoria
Right now this very minute

She is the longest reigning
Of all of Britain’s Queens
She has some great longevity
In her royal genes

Queen Elizabeth has seen a lot
In over sixty years
But through it all she stays so kind
And never shows her fears

She has a nice sweet family
And George he is so great
We went to see the palace
And took pictures at the gate

We’d like to wish the Queen
Many more happy years
But for today we’ll all rejoice
And not shed any tears

When the Flames won the Cup

26 years ago
Our Flames won the Cup
Game 6 against the Habs
They never gave it up

Series one against Vancouver
Was a tough one to get
We almost lost in overtime
But got one in the net

Series two against the Kings
Was an easy one for us
We took them in four straight
Sent them home on the bus

Series three against Chicago
Their arena full of noise
But we took them in game five
Better luck next time boys

That brought us to the final
The City was on fire
Me, a young inspired fan
And the players I admired

On the night they won the Cup
I was working selling cones
Of Baskin Robbins ice cream
With no live stream on our phones

We listened to the radio
For news of each Flames goal
I stood there shaking anxiously
Eating ice cream from a bowl

And then they won, and I freaked out
Cheering through the store
My Mum came and picked me up
I was cheering more

We drove home and honked the horn
Driving down the Trail
I barely slept at all that night
Our team did not fail

And now I get to tell the tale
Of my team and that day
I still wear my red jersey
And love watching my Flames play

A Transformers Poem

My son loves Transformers
He plays with them all day
Optimus Prime and Megatron
Portrayed by Michael Bay

Bruticus has many parts
An arm and leg and chest
Those guys better get along
Teamwork is the best

The Decepticons want war
But the Autobots want peace
Starscream likes to fly around
Las Vegas like some geese

Energon gives them power
It comes from far away
But when you’re a Transformer
You can go a long long way

If I was a Transformer
I’d be a big black chopper
Like Blackout in the movie
But I’d sing like Cindy Lauper

They’d all hear me coming
And maybe shoot my blades
But Girls Just Want to Have Fun
So they’d leave and do their raids

In the end the sides would get along
With me as their boss
Decepticons and Autobots
No more robot loss

So if you see a robot
Walking down the street
Put out your hand and say hello
It might be me you meet

A Curling Poem

Curling is for rocks
Sliding to the end
Yelling “hurry hard”
A title to defend

Jacobs has it in the bag
But Gushue’s right behind
Who will bring the title home
A new champion we’ll find

Don’t count us out, Saskatchewan yells
We’re in the running too
Maybe we will be the champs
Over Jacobs or Gushue

Ah hem, says Morris, from the back
We’re quiet but we’re here
Our record is the same as green
Our skills you all should fear

Today we’ll watch from end to end
And see who’ll go for gold
We’ll yell and cheer for all the teams
On this great sport we’re sold.